So it’s the other persons fault if you are emotionally dead? Then how do people take responsibility for their own lives if the actions of someone else kills your heart and its their fault?
Other people cant force you to do anything you don’t want to do. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN WILL. Right??
RIGHT. You do have your own will. Nevertheless what other people decide to do to you is THEIR will not YOURS. Your reaction to it is yours; and that is where the big thing comes in. You decide that you wont allow that person or any person for that matter to hurt you or abuse you in an emotional manner again.
When you are abused emotionally you don’t necessarily automatically know that you are being abused. You love the person that is abusing you. Their believe and opinion of you is very important to you. (which is why what they say hurts to badly).
Their opinion really matters to you and if they for instance keep telling you that you are worthless you will start making that your truth. Hench the abuse. UNTIL that day that everything changes. That is the day that you realize you are being abused. Before that you never knew.
That is when the abuse STOPS. Never again will what your abuser say have the same affect on you. It will most definitely still affect you but it is not abuse anymore. You don’t believe it anymore and you don’t make it your truth anymore. In fact, you rebel against it. You fight it.
It is almost like the blinds has come off your eyes. You see the abuser for who they really are. You see their insecurities that they have forced upon you. You see clearly.
The most difficult part is when your abuser was or is your husband and the father of your children. You love this man. Your children dore this man. Yet he is the reason you are constantly trying to pick up your self-worth from the trash. He is the one who made you believe the most horrible things about yourself. He is the one who made you doubt yourself and your abilities as a human, a wife, a woman, a mother, a partner.
How do you forgive and just forget?? Can u even do that? How do you keep on loving him?
You just do, because regardless of how big of a monster he was as your abuser, you see him and his insecurities now. You also see his hurts. Forgiveness is also part of your own healing.
Forget, that I don’t know. I don’t think it is on your mind constantly but you are definitely weary of everything that comes out of ‘his’ mouth. Good or bad. He will never again ave the right to define who you are. That you will make sure of. ALL THE TIME.