How would you describe unforgiveness? Is it something you struggle with in your life? What would be the cause of unforgiveness in your life? I DON’T KNOW!! i’m asking YOU. I struggle with it myself.
I think unforgiveness ‘runs in my family’, but that sounds like such a convenient excuse. Then of course you can’t really help it or control it.
Somehow you have got to make things logic in your head so you can live with it in your heart.
That, is the problem.
So let’s break this down a bit. It doesn’t really matter what was done to you. Bottom line is, it hurt you. Well, your heart was hurt! So how do you heal a heart? First you have to find out why it was hurt. How did that (what happened) make you feel.. insecure, inadequate, or upset or all of the above.
This is starting to become confusing. Let’s tell a story and use that as an example.
I was in love with a man that had his own insecurities and he ended up not trusting me at all. He was really paranoid. There was no lengths that he wouldn’t go to in order to get to the truth. He spied on me, recorded me, followed me, video taped me and even lost sleep many many nights to try and catch me out all because he believed I was unfaithful. This had hurt me to my very core. I am a person with very strong beliefs and morals. My integrity was attacked by the one I love. He made me feel cheap and immoral. Just the fact that he could even consider thinking that I would be doing those things hurt me very deeply.
I at least expected the benefit of the doubt. Instead, at the times when we could speak about these accusations calmly and he told me who it was that he thought I had an affair with, the benefit of the doubt when to those guys.
His words would be ” I don’t think (so and so) would ever do that. He’s a real genuine, stand-up guy. AND I WASN’T? a real genuine stand up woman? Oh no, I was the slut that most probably seduced the guy. Or at least that was how he made me feel even though he never said that out loud.
Okay, so now what?? How do I get past the hurt? How do I trust again? How do I FORGIVE?
The forgiving part is actually the easiest part of unforgiveness. All you have to do is understand the motivations of the person who hurt you. Put yourself in their shoes and see their insecurities and fears. And then make the decision to forgive. SIMPLE.
The hard part is the trusting again. Isnt it?? Well, something about unforgiveness has to be hard right. Wrong. It’s all simple.
Just stop feeling sorry for yourself for being the victim of someone else’s actions.
We ALL make mistakes. We ALL have insecurities. We ALL fear things. We ALL are human beings that makes mistakes. We want to complicate things in our own lives to make the hurt last a little longer.
Maybe we don’t forgive cause the guilty party has to suffer a bit first. I mean, we were treated unfairly right!! We are the victims here!! “He has to feel what it feels like to go through what I went through because of him. ”
In the mean time he feels bad and beats himself up because he sees everyday how he hurt you. He lives with you and KNOWS. So why let the suffering continue?? Make the decision to FORGIVE. Make the decision to TRUST. And then just DO THAT.
Even if you have to redo that every morning. Fake it till you make it!!
Live today for today. Keep the past in the past. Forgive, Trust, Listen, Love, Enjoy, Play, Laugh, Appreciate, and BE.
Just because YOU CAN!!